{"id":10274,"date":"2026-02-25T21:48:46","date_gmt":"2026-02-25T21:48:46","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/thepatswalk.com\/?p=10274"},"modified":"2026-02-25T21:48:46","modified_gmt":"2026-02-25T21:48:46","slug":"a-new-priest-at-his-very-first-mass","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thepatswalk.com\/?p=10274","title":{"rendered":"A new priest at his very first Mass"},"content":{"rendered":"<p data-start=\"0\" data-end=\"53\"><strong data-start=\"0\" data-end=\"51\">A Nervous Priest, Vodka, and a Hilarious Lesson<\/strong><\/p>\n<p data-start=\"55\" data-end=\"222\">A new priest\u2019s first Mass was a disaster. Nervous, he asked the monsignor for advice. The tip? Keep a glass of vodka on the altar and sip if you shake or stammer.\u00a0<img decoding=\"async\" class=\"emoji\" role=\"img\" draggable=\"false\" src=\"https:\/\/s.w.org\/images\/core\/emoji\/17.0.2\/svg\/1f943.svg\" alt=\"\ud83e\udd43\" \/><\/p>\n<p data-start=\"224\" data-end=\"361\">The next Sunday, he followed it\u2026 and delivered a lively, theatrical sermon. Afterward, the monsignor left a note with some corrections:<\/p>\n<ul data-start=\"363\" data-end=\"646\">\n<li data-start=\"363\" data-end=\"383\">\n<p data-start=\"365\" data-end=\"383\">Sip, don\u2019t gulp.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li data-start=\"384\" data-end=\"434\">\n<p data-start=\"386\" data-end=\"434\">10 Commandments, not 12. 12 disciples, not 10.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li data-start=\"435\" data-end=\"478\">\n<p data-start=\"437\" data-end=\"478\">Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li data-start=\"479\" data-end=\"531\">\n<p data-start=\"481\" data-end=\"531\">Jacob wagered his donkey, didn\u2019t \u201cbet his rear.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li data-start=\"532\" data-end=\"579\">\n<p data-start=\"534\" data-end=\"579\">No \u201cBig T\u201d cross or \u201cMary with the Cherry.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li data-start=\"580\" data-end=\"646\">\n<p data-start=\"582\" data-end=\"646\">Grace before meals isn\u2019t \u201cRub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p data-start=\"648\" data-end=\"726\" data-is-last-node=\"\" data-is-only-node=\"\">Sometimes, a little less \u201cHoly Spirit\u201d makes a sermon both accurate and funny.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<div class=\"mh-excerpt\"><p>A Nervous Priest, Vodka, and a Hilarious Lesson A new priest\u2019s first Mass was a disaster. Nervous, he asked the monsignor for advice. The tip? <a class=\"mh-excerpt-more\" href=\"https:\/\/thepatswalk.com\/?p=10274\" title=\"A new priest at his very first Mass\">[&#8230;]<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-10274","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/thepatswalk.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10274","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/thepatswalk.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/thepatswalk.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thepatswalk.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thepatswalk.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=10274"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/thepatswalk.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10274\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":10276,"href":"https:\/\/thepatswalk.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10274\/revisions\/10276"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/thepatswalk.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=10274"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thepatswalk.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=10274"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thepatswalk.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=10274"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}