We named our daughter Maisie, and Cody immediately loved the name. By the time my due date arrived, her clothes were washed, the crib was ready, and that little rabbit was sitting on the shelf waiting for her.<\/p>\n
Then everything went wrong.<\/p>\n
I remember Nolan standing beside my hospital bed while a nurse suddenly called for another doctor. The room became crowded within seconds, and someone said I was bleeding too heavily.<\/p>\n
My mother-in-law, Donna, quickly took Cody into the hallway while Nolan stayed beside me. He held my hand so tightly that our fingers hurt, but I didn\u2019t want him to let go.<\/p>\n
\u201cThey\u2019re taking me somewhere,\u201d I whispered.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m coming as far as they\u2019ll let me.\u201d<\/p>\n
Doctors rushed me into emergency surgery. The last thing I remember clearly is Nolan\u2019s frightened face above mine while a mask was lowered over my mouth.<\/p>\n
When I opened my eyes several hours later, he was sitting beside my bed.<\/p>\n
For a few seconds, I didn\u2019t understand what was wrong. Then I noticed the empty space where a bassinet should have been and saw how swollen his eyes were.<\/p>\n
\u201cNolan?\u201d<\/p>\n
He immediately reached for my hand.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhere\u2019s Maisie?\u201d<\/p>\n
His face crumpled before he answered, and I knew.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m so sorry, Jenna.\u201d<\/p>\n
I remember saying no several times because it was the only word my mind seemed capable of forming. Then I started screaming until the pain from my incision became so sharp that nurses had to help me breathe.<\/p>\n
Our daughter hadn\u2019t survived.<\/p>\n
Somehow, I had.<\/p>\n
The days that followed were a blur of medication, paperwork, whispered conversations, and relatives coming into the room with swollen eyes. I was too weak to stand without help, so Nolan handled almost everything.<\/p>\n
I barely asked questions because I was terrified of the answers. All I wanted was to go home, hide in my bedroom, and avoid looking at the pale yellow nursery we had prepared for a baby who would never sleep there.<\/p>\n
For the next two weeks, I hardly left my room.<\/p>\n
My body still behaved as though I had brought a baby home. That was one of the cruelest parts. My arms felt empty while every other part of me seemed to remember exactly what was supposed to be there.<\/p>\n
Nolan dealt with his grief by keeping busy. He cleaned the kitchen even when it was already spotless, folded laundry twice, and found small repairs around the house that suddenly seemed urgent.<\/p>\n
Donna brought meals and spent afternoons with Cody because neither Nolan nor I had much left to give.<\/p>\n
Cody became unusually quiet too.<\/p>\n
I assumed he was grieving in his own way. I didn\u2019t realize he had created an explanation for what had happened until I noticed the glass jar on his dresser.<\/p>\n
At first, there were only a few coins inside. A few days later, I saw crumpled dollar bills, then the twenty dollars Donna had given him for his birthday.<\/p>\n
One afternoon, I walked past his room and caught him putting his school lunch money into the jar.<\/p>\n
\u201cCody, sweetheart, what are you saving for?\u201d<\/p>\n
He looked guilty and tried to cover the opening with his hand.<\/p>\n
\u201cFor my sister.\u201d<\/p>\n
My chest tightened immediately. I sat beside him and wrapped an arm around his shoulders.<\/p>\n
\u201cI know you miss Maisie. I miss her too.\u201d<\/p>\n
He looked at me strangely.<\/p>\n
\u201cMom, she\u2019s not gone.\u201d<\/p>\n
There was something about the certainty in his voice that made me pull back.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat do you mean?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIf I save enough money, we can get her back.\u201d<\/p>\n
I tried to speak gently because I thought this was his way of refusing to understand death.<\/p>\n
\u201cHoney, people don\u2019t work like that. Maisie died at the hospital.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cody frowned.<\/p>\n
\u201cThen why did Dad pay money?\u201d<\/p>\n
I stared at him.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat money?\u201d<\/p>\n
His eyes immediately went toward the doorway as though he was afraid Nolan might hear.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe night you were asleep at the hospital, Grandma went downstairs for coffee. I was supposed to stay in the waiting room, but I went looking for Dad.\u201d<\/p>\n
I felt a strange uneasiness settle over me.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhere did you find him?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNear the elevators. He was talking to a lady.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cody rubbed his hands against his shorts while he spoke. Nolan had given the woman a thick envelope, and when she opened it, Cody could see money inside.<\/p>\n
I tried not to react too quickly.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd then what happened?\u201d<\/p>\n
His eyes filled with tears.<\/p>\n
\u201cShe took the bundle away.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat bundle?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThe one that was crying.\u201d<\/p>\n
For a moment, I genuinely couldn\u2019t understand what he meant.<\/p>\n
Then my stomach turned.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou saw a baby?\u201d<\/p>\n
Cody nodded.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe lady was holding her. Dad touched the baby\u2019s head before she left.\u201d<\/p>\n
I could hear my own heartbeat.<\/p>\n
\u201cDid you know the woman?\u201d<\/p>\n
Another nod.<\/p>\n
\u201cWho was she?\u201d<\/p>\n
His lip began trembling, and for a moment he couldn\u2019t get the words out. I pulled him against me and told him he wasn\u2019t in trouble.<\/p>\n
\u201cI thought if I saved enough, maybe she\u2019d give Maisie back,\u201d he cried.<\/p>\n
I held him tighter.<\/p>\n
\u201cTell me who you saw, sweetheart.\u201d<\/p>\n
He buried his face against my shoulder.<\/p>\n
\u201cAunt Alina.\u201d<\/p>\n
Everything inside me went still.<\/p>\n
Alina was Nolan\u2019s younger sister, and she had given birth to her own daughter, Sophie, only a few weeks before Maisie was due. Throughout our pregnancies, everyone had joked about the girls growing up together.<\/p>\n
Alina had visited me the day after my surgery, but she stayed only a few minutes and barely looked me in the eyes.<\/p>\n
At the time, I assumed she felt guilty standing in front of me as a new mother while I had just lost my baby.<\/p>\n
Now I wasn\u2019t so sure.<\/p>\n
I sent Cody downstairs, then slowly made my way to the kitchen.<\/p>\n
Nolan was standing at the sink scrubbing a pan that was already clean.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy was Alina at the hospital that night?\u201d<\/p>\n
He glanced at me, and for half a second, fear crossed his face before he controlled it.<\/p>\n
\u201cShe came to see how we were doing.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAt the elevators in the middle of the night?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cJenna, I barely remember what time anything happened.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCody remembers.\u201d<\/p>\n
His hand stopped moving.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat does Cody have to do with this?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe saw you with her. He saw you give her an envelope full of money.\u201d<\/p>\n
Nolan put the sponge down.<\/p>\n
I asked what the money was for, and after a moment he admitted that Alina had been struggling financially since separating from Sophie\u2019s father. He had given her cash for rent and groceries.<\/p>\n
That explanation made sense.<\/p>\n
But it didn\u2019t explain everything.<\/p>\n
\u201cCody also saw Alina leave with a crying baby.\u201d<\/p>\n
Nolan\u2019s face changed completely.<\/p>\n
\u201cOh, God.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe thinks you paid your sister and she took Maisie away. He has been saving his lunch money because he believes he can buy his sister back.\u201d<\/p>\n
Nolan sank into a chair and covered his face.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo. Jenna, no.\u201d<\/p>\n
I waited until he looked at me again.<\/p>\n
\u201cWas Sophie at the hospital that night?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes. Alina didn\u2019t have anyone to leave her with.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd did you hold her?\u201d<\/p>\n
Nolan looked startled.<\/p>\n
\u201cWho told you that?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCody saw you touch the baby.\u201d<\/p>\n
For a few seconds, Nolan said nothing.<\/p>\n
Then he nodded.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes. I held Sophie.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy?\u201d<\/p>\n
His face twisted as though the answer hurt him.<\/p>\n
\u201cI heard her crying, and I just\u2026 needed to hold a baby for a minute.\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked at him.<\/p>\n
Nolan had lost Maisie too, and I understood that grief did strange things to people. But something inside me still felt unsettled.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy couldn\u2019t Alina even look at me the next day?\u201d<\/p>\n
He shrugged too quickly.<\/p>\n
\u201cMaybe because she was embarrassed about needing money.\u201d<\/p>\n
I knew him well enough to hear what he wasn\u2019t saying.<\/p>\n
\u201cDon\u2019t do this, Nolan.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDo what?\u201d<\/p>\n
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