A man comes home late one night, drunk.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhere have you been?\u201d asks his wife.<\/p>\n
\u201cIn the Golden Bar! They have golden chairs, golden glasses, golden beer, and a golden urinal!\u201d<\/p>\n
This sounds awfully suspicious to the wife, who calls the Golden Bar.<\/p>\n
\u201cDo you have golden chairs?\u201d \u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDo you have golden glasses?\u201d \u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDo you have golden beer?\u201d \u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDo you have a golden urinal?\u201d \u201cHold on.\u201d<\/p>\n
On the other end, she hears \u201cI think we have a line on the guy who pissed in your saxophone.\u201d<\/p>\n
Bob walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM.<\/p>\n
He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.<\/p>\n
The 10 PM news was coming on. The news crew was covering the story of a man on the ledge of a tall building preparing to jump.<\/p>\n
The blonde looked at Bob and said, \u201cDo you think he\u2019ll jump?\u201d<\/p>\n
Bob said, \u201cYou know, I bet he\u2019ll jump.\u201d<\/p>\n
The blonde replied, \u201cWell, I bet $20 he won\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n
Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, \u201cYou\u2019re on!\u201d<\/p>\n
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building.<\/p>\n
The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob. \u201cFair\u2019s fair. Here\u2019s your money.\u201d<\/p>\n
Bob replied, \u201cI can\u2019t take your money. I saw this earlier on the 5 PM news, So I knew he would jump.\u201d<\/p>\n
The blonde replied, \u201cI did, too, But I didn\u2019t think he\u2019d do it again.\u201d<\/p>\n
Bob took the money.<\/p>\n
Two drunks are walking along.<\/p>\n
One drunk says to the other, \u201cWhat a beautiful night, look at the moon.\u201d<\/p>\n
The other drunk stops and looks at his drunk friend. \u201cYou\u2019re wrong, that\u2019s not the moon, that\u2019s the sun.\u201d<\/p>\n
They began to argue when they come upon another drunk. They asked, \u201cSir, could you please help settle our argument? Tell us what that thing is up in the sky that\u2019s shining.
\nIs it the moon or the sun?\u201d<\/p>\n
The third drunk looked at the sky and said, \u201cSorry, I don\u2019t live around here.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"