After two postponements, I was finally walking toward the man I wanted to marry. Then his mother blocked the aisle and demanded I hide my bare head. My mother asked the pastor for help \u2014 and when she returned, Judith was the one demanding that someone put a stop to it.<\/p>\n
\u201cMom, does my dress look okay?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSweetheart, you\u2019ve asked me six times.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSeven,\u201d my sister said.<\/p>\n
\u201cThank you, Claire. Very helpful.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSeven,\u201d<\/p>\n
Claire freed a fold of satin from beneath my heel.<\/p>\n
\u201cThere. Dad\u2019s been practicing his walk with the umbrella stand, so you can both stop worrying.\u201d<\/p>\n
I laughed, and Mom held out the shoebox she\u2019d brought from my apartment.<\/p>\n
The ivory shoes inside still had tissue stuffed into the toes. After our second postponement, I\u2019d put them on the top shelf of my closet, behind the spare blankets.<\/p>\n
Looking at them every morning had become unbearable.<\/p>\n
\u201cReady for these?\u201d Mom asked.<\/p>\n
\u201cMore than ready.\u201d<\/p>\n
She knelt to help me with the buckles.<\/p>\n
Last year, she\u2019d helped me into slippers when bending down made me dizzy.<\/p>\n
Now she brushed a little dust off a wedding shoe with her thumb.<\/p>\n
I swallowed and looked up at the ceiling until the feeling passed.<\/p>\n
\u201cDon\u2019t start,\u201d Claire warned. \u201cI only brought enough tissues for myself.\u201d<\/p>\n
I\u2019d lost my hair during treatment the year before. We\u2019d postponed the wedding once when treatment began, then again when I wasn\u2019t well enough for the new date.<\/p>\n
The second time, I\u2019d sat beside Ben on our kitchen floor with the calendar between us.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou know you don\u2019t have to keep planning your life around this,\u201d I\u2019d said. \u201cI\u2026 I still might not make it out of this.\u201d<\/p>\n
He\u2019d looked at me for a moment, then picked up the calendar.<\/p>\n
\u201cSaturday in June? Or are we still avoiding your uncle\u2019s fishing trip?\u201d<\/p>\n
I\u2019d cried then.<\/p>\n
He\u2019d stayed on the floor with me until I could laugh about Uncle Rob again.<\/p>\n
Now June had arrived.<\/p>\n
My dress fit, my shoes were on, and Ben was somewhere beyond the preparation-room door, waiting to marry me.<\/p>\n
My phone buzzed.<\/p>\n
Ben had sent a photograph of his tie: Is this straight?<\/p>\n
I typed back: You\u2019re asking the woman who checked her dress seven times.<\/p>\n
His reply came immediately: Please just arrive.<\/p>\n
Claire stepped back to inspect my hem. \u201cHas Judith seen you yet?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe came by while you were finding the flowers,\u201d Mom said. \u201cI told her we needed a few minutes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe moved my centerpiece three times at the rehearsal dinner.\u201d Claire sighed.<\/p>\n
\u201cShe called me yesterday,\u201d I said. \u201cAsked whether I\u2019d settled on my \u2018finished look.’\u201d<\/p>\n
Mom stopped smoothing my skirt.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat did you say?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat I had. She asked about my hair, so I told her I wasn\u2019t covering my head.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd?\u201d Claire asked.<\/p>\n
\u201cShe said the photographs would last forever.\u201d<\/p>\n
Mom set the empty shoebox beneath the chair.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou didn\u2019t mention that part.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI wanted one evening where we talked about something else.\u201d<\/p>\n
Mom met my eyes in the mirror. \u201cDo you want me to speak to her?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo. I told her what I\u2019m doing. She needs to accept it.\u201d<\/p>\n
I\u2019d chosen my dress, my earrings, and the way I wanted to look beside Ben. Still, I checked my reflection once more.<\/p>\n
\u201cAre you sure you don\u2019t want a veil?\u201d Mom asked. \u201cI\u2019ve brought a few options. Not just veils.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI want Ben to see me. All of me.\u201d<\/p>\n
She rested her hands on my shoulders.<\/p>\n
\u201cThen that\u2019s exactly how you\u2019re walking in.\u201d<\/p>\n
An hour later, Dad took my arm outside the church doors.<\/p>\n
He looked down at our elbows, adjusted his position, then checked again.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe umbrella stand was less demanding,\u201d I whispered.<\/p>\n
\u201cYour sister talks too much.\u201d<\/p>\n
From inside came the shuffle of guests settling into pews. Through the narrow opening, I could see the white flowers we\u2019d chosen and a corner of Ben\u2019s dark suit.<\/p>\n
Dad covered my hand with his.<\/p>\n
\u201cReady?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIs it too late to elope?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYour mother would find us.\u201d<\/p>\n
I laughed. Then the music started.<\/p>\n
\u201cReady?\u201d<\/p>\n
The doors opened, and everyone stood.<\/p>\n
For a second, all I could see were faces turning toward me.<\/p>\n
Then Ben leaned slightly to look past his best man, and there he was.<\/p>\n
He smiled before I took my first step. His mouth trembled a little, which nearly undid me.<\/p>\n
I\u2019d imagined this walk from hospital beds and our living-room couch, always worrying I\u2019d cry too hard to see.<\/p>\n
Instead, I couldn\u2019t stop smiling.<\/p>\n
Dad and I made it halfway down the aisle before Judith stood up.<\/p>\n
At first, I thought she wanted a better view.<\/p>\n
Then she stepped out of her pew and planted herself in front of us.<\/p>\n
\u201cJudith?\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
Judith stood.<\/p>\n
She held a blonde wig over one hand.<\/p>\n
The long, shining hair fell almost to her elbow, with two neat braids drawn back from the temples and joined behind the crown.<\/p>\n
She lifted it toward my head.<\/p>\n
\u201cPut this on. Quickly.\u201d<\/p>\n
I leaned back before she could touch me.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYour bald head is an embarrassment to our family!\u201d<\/p>\n
The music stopped unevenly, one last note hanging after the others.<\/p>\n
\u201cMom!\u201d Ben shouted. \u201cWhat are you doing?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSaving the photographs!\u201d<\/p>\n
Dad\u2019s hand closed over mine. I could feel people looking at the wig, then at me.<\/p>\n
\u201cJudith, please move,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
\u201cDon\u2019t be stubborn. Everyone\u2019s staring.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause you\u2019re holding a wig in the middle of a wedding,\u201d Dad said.<\/p>\n
A few guests let out nervous laughs.<\/p>\n
I\u2019d been ready to walk into that church without hair.<\/p>\n
I hadn\u2019t prepared to stand still while someone announced that the sight of me was shameful.<\/p>\n
For a moment, I wanted the doors behind us to open and swallow me.<\/p>\n
Ben was only a few pews away. I tried to look at him, but Judith kept lifting the wig between us.<\/p>\n
If I turned around, I\u2019d have to walk back past everyone who had just heard her.<\/p>\n
If I stayed, I had to stand there while she waited for me to cover myself.<\/p>\n
I tightened my grip on Dad\u2019s arm. The shoes I\u2019d finally taken out of their box were planted on the carpet, and I couldn\u2019t make myself take another step toward Ben.<\/p>\n
Ben started down the aisle.<\/p>\n
\u201cPut that away, Mom. Right now.\u201d<\/p>\n
But my mother was already standing.<\/p>\n
\u201cExcuse me, Judith.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh, don\u2019t you start.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cClaire, hold my purse.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMom?\u201d I whispered.<\/p>\n
She looked at me. \u201cYou spent a year fighting to get here. You are not hiding today.\u201d<\/p>\n
Then she turned to the pastor.<\/p>\n
\u201cCould you help me with something?\u201d<\/p>\n
He came a few steps closer.<\/p>\n
She spoke quietly, gesturing toward the preparation room beside the front of the church.<\/p>\n
He listened, then glanced at Judith.<\/p>\n
\u201cAre you certain, ma\u2019am?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAbsolutely.\u201d<\/p>\n
He stepped aside to let her through.<\/p>\n
\u201cAbsolutely.\u201d<\/p>\n
The church went silent as she disappeared into the room.<\/p>\n
He motioned for the musicians to wait, then stayed beside the door to keep the path clear.<\/p>\n
Judith lowered the wig and exhaled.<\/p>\n
\u201cThere. Your mother understands.\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked at Claire. She was holding Mom\u2019s purse against her stomach, staring after her.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat is she doing?\u201d I mouthed.<\/p>\n
Claire raised her eyebrows. She had no idea either.<\/p>\n
Ben reached us and took my free hand.<\/p>\n
\u201cAre you okay?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m standing here,\u201d I said. \u201cThat\u2019s about all I\u2019ve got right now.\u201d<\/p>\n
He squeezed my fingers and turned toward his mother.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou need to sit down.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAs soon as this is sorted out.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt was sorted out yesterday,\u201d I said. \u201cWhen I told you no.\u201d<\/p>\n
Judith glanced toward the pews. \u201cThere\u2019s no need to discuss private conversations in front of everybody.\u201d<\/p>\n
Behind her, the preparation-room door opened.<\/p>\n
Mom emerged carrying a rectangular case.<\/p>\n
She set it on the end of an empty pew and opened the fasteners.<\/p>\n
I recognized it when she lifted the lid.<\/p>\n
Inside were the wigs I\u2019d tried during treatment: the short brown bob, the auburn one Claire loved, the dark curls I\u2019d never quite managed to make feel like mine.<\/p>\n
Mom had kept the ones I hadn\u2019t returned or given away.<\/p>\n
These were \u201cthe options\u201d she\u2019d mentioned earlier.<\/p>\n
Judith took a step toward her. \u201cThe blonde will go better with the dress.\u201d<\/p>\n
Mom picked up the auburn wig.<\/p>\n
\u201cIf wearing a wig is what makes someone acceptable in these photographs,\u201d she said, \u201cI\u2019ll wear this one.\u201d<\/p>\n
She pulled it onto her own head.<\/p>\n
The auburn fringe sat a little crooked above her eyebrows. She adjusted it with both hands and looked straight at Judith.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell? Do you approve, Judith?\u201d<\/p>\n
Claire pressed Mom\u2019s purse into the hands of the nearest bridesmaid.<\/p>\n
\u201cHave you got the bob?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cUnder the curls.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThis is childish,\u201d Judith said.<\/p>\n
Claire put on the brown wig.<\/p>\n
One bridesmaid picked up the curls; another reached for the short silver one.<\/p>\n
\u201cMay we?\u201d the first asked me.<\/p>\n
I nodded. My throat had closed too tightly for anything else.<\/p>\n
These were the women who\u2019d helped me compare those wigs when I could barely look at myself in the mirror.<\/p>\n
\u201cMay we?\u201d<\/p>\n
Now they put them on beside me.<\/p>\n
Dad leaned toward Claire. \u201cAnything left for me?\u201d<\/p>\n
She handed him a light brown wig and helped him pull it over his carefully combed hair.<\/p>\n
\u201cStraight?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n
\u201cAlmost. Hold still.\u201d<\/p>\n
He waited solemnly while she adjusted it.<\/p>\n
I laughed. It escaped before I could stop it, wet and startled, and Dad looked at me with such relief that I laughed again.<\/p>\n
Mom touched my cheek, her auburn fringe still crooked.<\/p>\n
\u201cTake those off!\u201d Judith said. \u201cAll of them! This is a church, not a costume party.\u201d<\/p>\n
I laughed.<\/p>\n
The bridesmaids stayed beside me with their wigs exactly where they were.<\/p>\n
Judith turned toward the photographer near the side aisle.<\/p>\n
\u201cDon\u2019t take pictures of this.\u201d<\/p>\n
He lowered his camera.<\/p>\n
Judith rounded on Ben, her face turning red.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re letting them ruin your wedding,\u201d Judith told him. \u201cLook at your father-in-law. Look at the bridesmaids.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m looking,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n
\u201cThen do something!\u201d<\/p>\n
She thrust the blonde wig against his chest. The long hair spilled over his hands, the little braids still perfectly intact.<\/p>\n
\u201cMake your bride be reasonable.\u201d<\/p>\n
He\u2019d already told her to put it away.<\/p>\n
Now she wanted him to take over where she\u2019d failed, as though marrying him would make my answer count for less.<\/p>\n
Ben looked down at it, then he looked at me.<\/p>\n
Ben smiled and put the wig on.<\/p>\n
The shining blonde hair fell over the shoulders of his dark suit. One braid caught briefly on his ear before he freed it with a finger.<\/p>\n
I pressed my lips together. It didn\u2019t help.<\/p>\n
Claire made a strangled sound behind me, and a laugh traveled through the pews.<\/p>\n
Ben tucked a strand behind his shoulder and held out his hand to me again.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m standing with her.\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked from the blonde hair to his face. He held out his hand and waited, just as he\u2019d waited beside that calendar for me to choose another date.<\/p>\n
I took it.<\/p>\n
There would be no whispered request to wear the wig for one photograph, no asking me to give in so the ceremony could continue.<\/p>\n
I could stop wondering how much of this I had to tolerate for his sake.<\/p>\n
Judith stared at him.<\/p>\n
\u201cTake that off.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou handed it to me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cFor her! Make her wear it!\u201d<\/p>\n
The laughter faded. Ben\u2019s fingers tightened around mine.<\/p>\n
\u201cShe already told you she doesn\u2019t want it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI was trying to make sure you had beautiful wedding pictures. Now look at this spectacle.\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked at Mom, standing in the wig she\u2019d once helped me put on.<\/p>\n
Dad was still beside me. Ben waited without trying to answer for me.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe postponed this wedding twice,\u201d I told Judith. \u201cThe second time, I couldn\u2019t get through a dress fitting without sitting down.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know what happened.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThen you know how hard I fought to stand here today.\u201d<\/p>\n
She opened her mouth, but I continued.<\/p>\n
\u201cMy bald head isn\u2019t shameful. It isn\u2019t an embarrassment. I lost my hair getting well enough to marry your son, and I\u2019m proud I made it here.\u201d<\/p>\n
My voice shook on the last few words. I let it.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou can stay and respect how I\u2019ve chosen to look on my wedding day, or you can leave.\u201d<\/p>\n
Judith glanced past me toward the guests.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt was only a wig.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou called me an embarrassment. In front of everyone.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI was offering you something.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou could have offered yesterday, when we were talking. I told you what I\u2019d chosen. You waited until I was halfway down the aisle.\u201d<\/p>\n
She glanced at the pastor.<\/p>\n
\u201cCan we please get on with this?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAs soon as you move and let me finish my walk.\u201d<\/p>\n
She turned to Ben. \u201cAre you really going to let her speak to me like this?\u201d<\/p>\n
He didn\u2019t remove the blonde wig.<\/p>\n
\u201cShe\u2019s given you your choices, Mom.\u201d<\/p>\n
I watched her look toward her pew. She could pick up her handbag and walk out. Ben would say his vows with her place empty, and that would become part of this day, too.<\/p>\n
I wanted her to stay.<\/p>\n
I\u2019d wanted her to look happy when we turned toward the guests as husband and wife.<\/p>\n
I kept my hand in Ben\u2019s and waited for her answer.<\/p>\n
For a few seconds, Judith stood perfectly still. Then she stepped back into her pew and sat down, pulling her handbag into her lap.<\/p>\n
I waited until she was out of the aisle.<\/p>\n
Then I turned to Mom and Claire and the little group gathered around us.<\/p>\n
\u201cThank you,\u201d I said. \u201cAll of you.\u201d<\/p>\n
Dad touched my shoulder.<\/p>\n
\u201cNow can we put these away for a minute?\u201d I asked. \u201cI\u2019ve waited long enough to marry him.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThank you,\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben carefully lifted off the blonde wig.<\/p>\n
Claire collected the others, and Mom closed the case.<\/p>\n
The pastor returned to his place. Ben walked back to the altar, looking over his shoulder at me until his best man caught his elbow and pointed him forward.<\/p>\n
Dad offered his arm again.<\/p>\n
\u201cReady?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
This time, nobody stepped in front of us.<\/p>\n
Ben\u2019s hands were warm around mine. Halfway through my vows, my voice steadied, and I could say every word I\u2019d practiced.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
When the pastor pronounced us married, Ben kissed me with both hands against my cheeks.<\/p>\n
Afterward, the photographer gathered our wedding party near the church steps.<\/p>\n
\u201cEveryone ready?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOne thing,\u201d I said. \u201cMom, where\u2019s the case?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cEveryone ready?\u201d<\/p>\n
Judith declined that photograph.<\/p>\n
We took it anyway.<\/p>\n
Claire straightened Dad\u2019s wig. Mom found her auburn fringe, and Ben settled the long blonde hair over his suit again.<\/p>\n
I stood bareheaded beside my husband.<\/p>\n
Just as the photographer raised his camera, a shining strand slipped across Ben\u2019s eye.<\/p>\n
He blew it away.<\/p>\n
I laughed, and the shutter clicked.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"