{"id":9165,"date":"2026-02-16T11:20:26","date_gmt":"2026-02-16T11:20:26","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/thepatswalk.com\/?p=9165"},"modified":"2026-02-16T11:20:26","modified_gmt":"2026-02-16T11:20:26","slug":"pretend-youre-a-statue","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thepatswalk.com\/?p=9165","title":{"rendered":"Pretend you\u2019re a statue!"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>A woman caught her lover in bed and told him to stand in the corner, rubbed in baby oil and talcum powder, pretending to be a statue.<\/p>\n<p>Her husband walked in:<br \/>\n\u201cOh, it\u2019s a statue. The Smiths have one, so we got one too.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>At 2 AM, he brought a sandwich and beer to the \u201cstatue\u201d:<br \/>\n\u201cI stood like that for two days at the Smiths\u2019 house, and nobody offered me anything!\u201d \ud83d\ude02<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<div class=\"mh-excerpt\"><p>A woman caught her lover in bed and told him to stand in the corner, rubbed in baby oil and talcum powder, pretending to be <a class=\"mh-excerpt-more\" href=\"https:\/\/thepatswalk.com\/?p=9165\" title=\"Pretend you\u2019re a statue!\">[&#8230;]<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":9166,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-9165","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/thepatswalk.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9165","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/thepatswalk.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/thepatswalk.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thepatswalk.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thepatswalk.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=9165"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/thepatswalk.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9165\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":9167,"href":"https:\/\/thepatswalk.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9165\/revisions\/9167"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thepatswalk.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/9166"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/thepatswalk.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=9165"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thepatswalk.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=9165"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thepatswalk.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=9165"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}