1. The Parrot Call
A caretaker calls his boss: “Sir, your prize parrot died.”
“WHAT?! How?”
“Rotten meat.”
“Who fed him that?”
“No one—he ate a dead horse.”
“Dead horse?!”
“Your thoroughbred. It died pulling a water cart.”
“What water cart?!”
“The one we used to put out the fire.”
“FIRE?!”
“At your house. A candle caused it.”
“Why a candle?!”
“For your wife’s funeral.”
“WHAT?!”
“I thought she was a thief and hit her with your golf club.”
…Pause…
“If you broke that club, you’re fired!”
2. Wrong Number Twist
A man calls home. His daughter says, “Mom is upstairs with Uncle Paul.”
“But you don’t have an Uncle Paul…”
“Mom says I do.”
The man says, “Go upstairs and shout that I just got home.”
She returns: “Mom got scared, ran, slipped, and isn’t moving. Uncle Paul jumped out the window into the pool—but it’s empty… I think he’s dead.”
Long pause…
“Uh… is this 486-5731?”