I’ve been married over a decade and we have two kids, including a 6-month-old. To manage stress, we split childcare and chores — she does most housework and I do more child duty. But we constantly fight, especially about cooking. She gets bored trying new recipes that often flop, and we end up eating out. She feels her effort isn’t appreciated; I think it’s fine since we like eating out and it’s not a financial issue. (Reddit)
The real problem is sticking to our agreed schedule. Every few days she renegotiates, accusing me of not appreciating her work. So I made a simple “relationship test”: if she asks kindly to change plans, I say yes; if she demands a change with complaints about doing everything, I say no — even if it causes a fight. Since then she hasn’t properly asked once without passive-aggressive comments, showing how rarely she actually asks politely. (Reddit)
I’ve also started keeping track of things she complains about — like how we don’t go to restaurants she wants — and the records often prove her claims don’t match reality. I don’t always show her the “data” because she gets mad about me keeping score, but it helps me feel less guilty. (Reddit)
I don’t know if this is baby blues or something deeper, and maybe this dynamic will break us up. But I’m done feeling guilty for sticking to what we agreed on only to be blamed later. (Reddit)