I (30F) had a best friend for 20 years and her boyfriend (38M) of about 5 years. About 3 years into their relationship, I realized I had feelings for him but never acted on them because I loved my friend and respected their relationship. Then she died suddenly a few years ago and I was devastated. At first we stayed in touch, supporting each other, but after I moved to Europe we barely talked.
A few months ago I went home, ran into him at a party, and we talked all night. He asked me out and I said yes, even though it made me uneasy. Now we’re dating and I like being with him, but I constantly feel conflicted — like I’m betraying her memory or doing something wrong. I never would have done this while she was alive, and I worry it makes me a bad person, even though I didn’t plan or want this to happen. I’m confused and just needed to get it off my chest.