There’s something intoxicating about someone offering to provide for you, but it blinds you to the hidden costs of their generosity.
When my boyfriend, Matt, suggested we move in together, I thought it was the beginning of something beautiful. We’d been together almost two years, and it felt like the natural next step.
He made the case: “Why pay for two places when we already practically live together?” He made it sound so easy, especially since I already kept most of my things at his place.
However, I was upfront about my financial situation, explaining that my job at the shelter didn’t pay much, but Matt insisted he’d take care of the rent, since he made much more with his tech job.
I was relieved and excited when we found a cozy apartment together. But when I returned from lunch one day, I found all my things stuffed into a closet, while Matt’s belongings were scattered throughout the apartment.
When I asked why, he casually said, “I’m paying for the place, so it makes sense to prioritize my stuff.” He then told me I’d have to cook dinner every night because, “I cover rent, so I set the rules.”
It became clear: this wasn’t about love—it was about control. Instead of confronting him immediately, I called his father.
His dad showed up, slapped a dollar bill on the counter, and demanded Matt “dance” to prove his point about paying for everything. Matt was humiliated as his dad called him out for treating me like property.
I moved out that night, with Matt’s dad helping me pack. Matt stayed silent and apologized, but the damage was done.
Now, I live in my own space, surrounded by my things. I make dinner when I feel like it, or get takeout. I’ve learned that generosity with strings attached is just a transaction, and true partnership is about mutual respect and support.
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